How to Talk to an Adult Family Member or Friend About an Eating Disorder

Recognizing that a loved one may be struggling with an eating disorder can be challenging and distressing. Eating disorders are complex mental health conditions that require understanding, support, and professional help. If you suspect that an adult family member or friend is struggling, approaching the conversation with care and empathy is crucial. Here’s how to start the conversation and provide meaningful support.

1. Educate Yourself First

Before initiating a conversation, take the time to learn about eating disorders. Understanding common signs, symptoms, and myths can help you approach the discussion with knowledge and sensitivity. Resources like the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) and the Academy for Eating Disorders (AED) provide valuable information.

2. Choose the Right Time and Setting

Find a private, calm, and comfortable setting where you can talk without distractions. Avoid bringing up the topic during meals or in moments of high stress. Ensure you have enough time to have an open and unhurried conversation.

3. Use Compassionate and Non-Judgmental Language

How you frame your words can significantly impact how your loved one receives them. Avoid accusatory or critical statements and instead use “I” statements to express concern. For example:

• Instead of: “You never eat anymore. You need to stop this.”

• Say: “I’ve noticed that you’ve been eating less, and I’m worried about you. I care about your well-being and want to support you.”

4. Be Prepared for Resistance

Your loved one may deny the issue, become defensive, or react with frustration. Remember that eating disorders often come with feelings of shame and secrecy. Reassure them that your intention is not to judge but to offer support.

5. Encourage Professional Help

Eating disorders require professional intervention. Offer to help them find a therapist, dietitian, or support group specializing in eating disorders. You might say:

• “I care about you and want to help. Would you be open to talking to someone who specializes in this?”

If they resist seeking help, let them know you are there for them and gently revisit the topic at another time.

6. Avoid Making It About Food or Appearance

Eating disorders are not just about food; they are often tied to deeper emotional and psychological struggles. Avoid comments about weight, eating habits, or appearance, even if they seem positive. Instead, focus on their overall well-being.

7. Offer Ongoing Support

Your loved one may not be ready to talk or seek help immediately. Continue to check in with them, offer a listening ear, and reassure them of your unwavering support. Small gestures, like inviting them to non-food-related activities or simply being present, can make a difference.

8. Take Care of Yourself Too

Supporting someone with an eating disorder can be emotionally draining. Make sure to set boundaries and seek your own support when needed. Connecting with a counselor or a support group for caregivers can be helpful.

Resources for Support

If your loved one is open to seeking help, or if you need guidance, here are some reliable resources:

• National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA): https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org

• Academy for Eating Disorders (AED): https://www.aedweb.org

• National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders (ANAD): https://anad.org

• The Alliance for Eating Disorders Awareness: https://www.allianceforeatingdisorders.com

• Therapy Finder (Psychology Today): https://www.psychologytoday.com

Talking to a loved one about an eating disorder is not easy, but your concern and support can be a crucial step in their recovery journey. Approach the conversation with kindness, patience, and an open heart. Even if they are not ready to seek help immediately, knowing they have someone who cares can make a meaningful impact.

By fostering open and compassionate conversations, we can help break the stigma surrounding eating disorders and encourage healing and recovery.

At Home For Balance, we strongly believe in the power of mindfulness and connection for positive mental health. Our team of professionals specialized in eating disorders and our personalized and holistic approach to treating different mental health concerns make us a great place to start your healing journey. For more information about our services, please contact us today at info@homeforbalance.com or 561.600.1424 for a FREE 30-minute consult!

Book Recommendation

Here are five highly recommended BOOKS for understanding and recovering from eating disorders in adults:

📖 1. The Eating Disorder Sourcebook by Carolyn Costin – A comprehensive guide covering different eating disorders, treatment options, and recovery strategies from a well-known expert in the field.

📖 2. 8 Keys to Recovery from an Eating Disorder by Carolyn Costin & Gwen Schubert Grabb – A practical, compassionate guide filled with insights and exercises to support recovery.

📖 3. Life Without Ed by Jenni Schaefer – A powerful memoir and self-help book that personifies an eating disorder as "Ed," making it easier to separate from disordered thoughts.

📖 4. Sick Enough: A Guide to the Medical Complications of Eating Disorders by Jennifer L. Gaudiani – Written by a physician specializing in eating disorders, this book provides crucial medical insights for those in recovery.

📖 5. Goodbye Ed, Hello Me by Jenni Schaefer – A follow-up to Life Without Ed, focusing on life beyond the eating disorder and reclaiming personal identity.

References:

National Eating Disorders Association. (n.d.). Learn about eating disorders. Retrieved February 16, 2025, from https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org

Academy for Eating Disorders. (n.d.). Resources for families and caregivers. Retrieved February 16, 2025, from https://www.aedweb.org

National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders. (n.d.). Get help & support. Retrieved February 16, 2025, from https://anad.org

The Alliance for Eating Disorders Awareness. (n.d.). Support & resources. Retrieved February 16, 2025, from https://www.allianceforeatingdisorders.com

Psychology Today. (n.d.). Find a therapist. Retrieved February 16, 2025, from https://www.psychologytoday.com

Treasure, J., Smith, G., & Crane, A. (2017). Skills-based caring for a loved one with an eating disorder: The new Maudsley method (2nd ed.). Routledge.

Levine, M. P., & Smolak, L. (2020). The prevention of eating problems and eating disorders: Theory, research, and practice (2nd ed.). Routledge.

Arcelus, J., Mitchell, A. J., Wales, J., & Nielsen, S. (2011). Mortality rates in patients with anorexia nervosa and other eating disorders: A meta-analysis of 36 studies. Archives of General Psychiatry, 68(7), 724-731. https://doi.org/10.1001/archgenpsychiatry.2011.74

Linardon, J., Wade, T. D., de la Piedad Garcia, X., & Brennan, L. (2017). The efficacy of cognitive-behavioral therapy for eating disorders: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 85(11), 1080-1094. https://doi.org/10.1037/ccp0000245